It just doesn’t end. It won’t end, and we can’t make it end, and until Donald Trump is either removed from office or gloating on Twitter about not being removed, this impeachment trial is going to be like a waking nightmare that America can’t escape from.
And make no mistake, this is a nightmare of a trial. It is murder on the senses, the death of reason and logic, a Chinese opera of self-contradictory arguments that could at once be coming from the inside of a low-rent chop suey palace fortune cookie or from the scribblings in the back of a four-year-old’s Frozen II official movie coloring book.
It doesn’t help that those of us watching the trial are subject to the emotional and logical extremes of Adam Schiff handily dicing up the defense with precision and grace, and Pam Bondi breathily exclaiming to the gathered crowd that — GASP — Joe and Hunter Biden are related!!!
So what are we going to do, guys? How do we stick this out without having to constantly fight the overwhelming urge to run a hose from our exhaust pipe and lower that garage door one last time?
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I think I have an idea.
We could just collectively agree to watch this video of Ohio Representative and longstanding cover-up artist for sex offenders and criminal presidents (who also happen to be sex offenders — I wonder what’s up with that) Jim Jordan pulling his undies out of the crack of his butt like a Wal-Mart shopper who’s been bent over too long in the soup aisle looking for the bean with bacon.
— Adam Parkhomenko (@AdamParkhomenko) January 30, 2020
Oh, Jim. Blessed comic relief of the politics-weary, humor-hungry American public. The revelation of the source of your arguments comes as vindication eternal for the crowd that has long accused you of pulling things out of your ass.
Now excuse us while we watch this on repeat and forget about that other asshole we just can’t seem to pick out.
Featured image via screen capture
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