Trump Is Reopening Mar-a-Lago, Sends Emails To Members Telling Them About Social Distancing “In The Jacuzzi” As Part Of Its Rules

I think they forgot how water works.


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621 points

According to a new report in the Washington Post, Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort in Palm Beach, Florida is set to reopen after a 57-day closure due to a local stay at home order that affected the area it’s located in.

I don’t think I’ll be headed there any time soon, but for those who are eager to get back onto the grounds of the gaudiest resort in southeastern America, the guidelines are now out, thanks to a membership-wide email sent out by the country club to let them know what kinds of safeguards would be in place to keep patrons’ leathery old asses from contracting the coronavirus like scabies from a college roommate you made one poor decision with.

Unfortunately, it appears that the management of Mar-a-Lago was hired based on intelligence either similar to or less than Trump himself’s because they overlooked a pretty key factor in their plans for accommodating guests virus-free.

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The club made clear that only the “Beach Club” restaurant will be opening, in accordance with Florida Governor Ron DeSantis’ order to allow restaurants to open at 25 percent capacity. But the Beach Club isn’t like other restaurants, in that it’s actually beach-THEMED, complete with deck chairs and pool loungers and an actual Jacuzzi in which I presume one sips Manhattans at the edge while making eyes at the fellow divorcées from across the tile floor.

In fact, they’ve seemingly accounted for the hot tub, saying in the email that “social distancing will be enforced on both the pool deck and in the pool/Jacuzzi.”

Left unclear in the message is how, exactly, a distance of six feet keeps the swirling water that members are in together from transferring the virus from one to the next. Perhaps next they’ll enforce social distancing between sharers of a milkshake, maybe by giving each person a 3-foot straw.

Personally, I’m holding out for when they open club-wide, so I can go enjoy the No Peeing section of their luxurious swimming pools.

Featured image via screen capture

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