Chances are when most people think of Ivanka Trump they think of a demure, mousy little woman with a high-pitched, squeaky voice and a serious sub/dom dynamic that I don’t even want to dive into with her dad. But if you ask me, the eldest and favorite Trump daughter is a snake in the grass if ever there were one.
Just through video footage alone we’ve already all but verified that voice of hers is little more than an act to make herself sound like a sweet, innocent young woman, and perhaps the side effect of one too many nose jobs.
But as it turns out, I’m not alone in my sneaking suspicion that Ivanka Trump is a back-handed, sneaky little swine.
A while back, former Apprentice employee turned stand-up comic, Noel Casler — who’s dropped more than a few tidbits of “Oh Hell” on us all over the years — sat down for an interview with CJAD host Dave Kaufman and after reminding us all that the then “leader” of this nation is nothing more than a burnt-out Adderall addict, he issued a rather unexpected warning to the public regarding Donald Trump’s favorite daughter-wife.
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“If you are scared of Trump, you should be terrified of Ivanka,” Casler warned. “I think she’s the brains behind the operation. I’ve seen her manipulate him. It’s all an act. Down to that phony voice she uses. That’s a put on. That’s how he likes her to sound. Her real voice is a lot lower and she curses like a sailor. She’s engineering herself to take over. Ivanka wants to rule us all someday and I’m not being… It’s not just hyperbole —she wants her face on money. So people should be very worried about her.”
Guys, I honestly don’t think this is something that should be ignored. It’s obvious that Donald has a “soft spot” for his eldest daughter, considering he can hardly stand to even be photographed with the other one.
Ivanka is the one who got an official White House job despite the fact that she’s about as qualified for it as my dog. Ivanka is the one that got to travel the globe on daddy’s coattails. And Ivanka is the one who got the closest to making authorized, government-ish decisions under her daddy’s umbrella — not to mention the whole skeevy “if she weren’t my daughter I’d date her” thing.
Everyone’s always so concerned about Trump’s namesake, Don Jr., attempting to take over the “dynasty” they’re trying so desperately to create. But I’m telling you guys now, Ivanka is where the trouble is.
Featured image via Wikimedia Commons/DoD photo by U.S. Air Force Staff Sgt. Marianique Santos