Trump Participates In "Emergency Prayer Call" For His "Supernatural Wisdom" Admid Massive Scandal

Donald Trump is clearly doing his best to kick up all the drama he possibly can around his bombshell indictment and subsequent arraignment on a whopping 34 felony charges that finally took place yesterday.

Following his historical legal proceedings, it seems the scandal-ridden, disgraced former president participated in what was dubbed an “emergency prayer call,” ironically enough, hot on the heels of his 3 dozen-plus felony charges for paying off a literal porn star after their extramarital sexual affair. But I digress.

The ex-president took a phone call meeting with Intercessors for America yesterday afternoon, where he kicked off the call-in event by expressing his deep-seated gratitude for his notorious spiritual advisor Paula White.

“We’ve had a long time friendship, and we’ve prayed together, and we’ve loved our families together; we’ve just loved,” Trump bizarrely said in the call. “And we’re fighting for many other things together. We’re being discriminated against as a religion. We’re being discriminated against as a faith. And we can’t let that continue.”

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Trump went on to claim he was “having a great day today, actually, because it turned out to be the sham,” despite the fact that he was literally arrested inside a Manhattan courthouse earlier that day.

“But one thing that I’ve always remained solid on, that is our faith, our religion, our Christianity, our beautiful Christianity,” the former guy continued to ramble. “And one of the things I think, and I really believe this, and perhaps the main thing that our country needs again is religion. We have to have religion. We’re losing our religion in our country.”

At this point, White chimed in and explained the purpose of the call to everyone in the prayer meeting.

“We’re so grateful for your heart, for your fight, for your stamina,” the Trump spiritual advisor told those who called in. “We know you stand at the front on behalf of us all. And as we offer up these prayers for you and your family, we can secure your life, your purpose, your calling. We pray just supernatural wisdom over you and strength to you.”