Trump Released A Bonkers, Blowhard Statement, Claiming He Never Even Wanted To Have Sex With Adult Film Star Stormy Daniels And We’re Seriously Grossed Out: “Even In Her Wildest Imagination!”


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Recently, Donald Trump managed to weasel by with another small win in the Stormy Daniels (AKA Stephanie Clifford) defamation case against him, when a court ruled that she must pay the former president additional attorney fees. Much like the last time, Donnie was quick to jump on social media — via his spokeswoman, of course, because he still doesn’t actually have social media — to brag about his little win, in a sea of brutal losses. But this time, the guy went so far it left us gagging when he made sure to include that he doesn’t even want to have sex with the adult film star.

“Today, the 9th Circuit issued yet another attorney fees ruling in my favor against Stephanie Clifford (AKA ‘Stormy Daniels’)—this time, awarding me $245,209.67 for my fees incurred in her 9th Circuit appeal of her failed lawsuit against me, dismissed under Texas’s Anti-SLAPP statute,” Trump wrote in his statement that was mass emailed to reporters in addition to being posted on Twitter by spokeswoman Liz Harrington.

“This entire case has been nothing but a disaster for Ms. Clifford and her lawyer Michael Avenatti, from the start—a total waste of court time and resources, ending up with her owing me a large and growing amount in attorney fees that never needed to have been spent, especially since as I have stated many times, I never had an affair with her—nor would I have ever wanted to (even in her wildest imagination!).”

Don’t worry, I gagged too.

Now, the last time Trump publicly commented on the lawsuit, his own former personal attorney and self-described “fixer” Michael Cohen, who personally made the “hush money” payments to Daniels back in Trump’s 2016 campaign days, was quick to point out that Donald was bringing sex into the equation when the lawsuit actually has nothing to even do with whether or not Trump had sex with Daniels.

“The defeated former guys’ statement has absolutely nothing to do with the well-established fact that he did have an affair with Stormy Daniels…it’s not even what the case is about. Either he’s lying again or didn’t read his own lawsuit…or both!” Cohen explained in a tweet.

Daniels weighed in on Cohen’s social media post, writing, “Woah! I never said it was an affair. I have said over and over that he CORNERED ME coming out of a bathroom. Well…I guess to him, that IS an affair. Seems to be his pattern.”

Now, please excuse me while I go try to scrub that entire image from my brain.

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