Despite Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner’s pretty desperate attempts to distance themselves from her trainwreck of a father following his humiliating election loss and subsequent illegal, petulant, and childish behavior, it seems the ™Trump Stink is destined to follow them everywhere they go.
Since her father’s tumultuous presidency that ended with a pathetic fizzle, Ivanka and her husband Jared have officially relocated from DC to the town of Surfside, Florida — where I assume they’re hoping for a quiet family life following that dumpster fire her dad called a presidential term. But it seems things aren’t all sunshine and rainbows in the couple’s new beachside town. According to a brutal report from the Washingtonian, Ivanka’s Surfside neighbors aren’t very fond of daddy’s favorite daughter or her adviser hubby. At all.
“All but banished from Washington after January 6, Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner have been hiding out in a little no-frills town in South Florida,” the report that hit the media like a wave this week reads. “Its Trumpy mayor couldn’t be more thrilled, but the former First Kids have had a frostier welcome from another set of locals.”
A resident of the Surfside town agreed to speak with the magazine on the condition of anonymity, as she still lives very close to the former First Daughter and her husband, and told the publication that she first ran into Ivanka Trump last June, when the ex-Trump White House adviser was walking her little white dog (we believe it’s a Pomeranian mix) near her seaside condo building. The local lady said that she watched as Ivanka “led the dog off the pathway toward the beach, right past a sign that clearly said dogs weren’t allowed.”
“The resident, a beach activist who finds high purpose in protecting Surfside’s loggerhead sea turtles during nesting season, mobilized,” the report reads, adding that Trump likely walked past the large sign where the beach rules were posted, including “no dogs allowed,” countless times before she was busted by her neighbor.
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“I was speed-walking at her and yelling at her,” the unnamed Surfside resident recalled. “I just opened my mouth and said, ‘You can’t go out there with the dog!'”
Ivanka allegedly responded, “Oh-uh, I didn’t realize.”
“You’re standing right next to the sign,” Ivanka’s neighbor says she responded. “Look it says ‘No dog.'”
A few months later, the same Surfside resident reportedly had another run-in with Ivanka, this time with her husband Jared and their 5-year-old son Theodore. “The neighbor reminded Jared, in swim trunks, and Ivanka, in a ‘cute ruffled outfit,’ to watch out for jellyfish.” The neighbor said she found herself quickly growing concerned when their young son hurried off into the big, blue ocean all on his own.
“I’m thinking, Why is this boy in the water alone on a boogie board with this moderate rip current? I’m a mother, and I would never let my child alone in the water like that,” Ivanka’s neighbor said, according to the report.
She goes on to claim that mere moments later, Jared was forced to take off into the ocean after his son, who had begun to drift way too far out into the water, away from the safety of the shore.
The magazine goes on to note that the various encounters and run-ins that Surfside residents have had with the former White House couple have only served to solidify their long-standing, already unflattering impressions of the couple.
“She seems to be about — ‘I live in this little cocoon where the rules don’t apply to me’ — in her own little world,” the resident told the Washingtonian, before going on to take a dig at both of their appearances, calling Jared “slenderman” and stating of Ivanka, “She’s well put together. She’s had a lot of work done, and it’s good plastic. It’s Miami, and there’s a lot of bad plastic here. She has good plastic.”
The publication goes on to write that the beachside town Jared and Ivanka chose only boasts a population of around 6,000 and has largely managed to fly under the radar of many tourists and FL transplants — something the locals were rather fond of.
“Eliana Salzhauer, a town commissioner, likens her reaction upon hearing Javanka was arriving to a scene in 1980s The Jerk in which Steve Martin’s absurdist character is ecstatic to find his name listed in the phone book while an unhinged killer picks Martin’s name randomly from the same directory,” the report goes on to read.
Salzhauer, a Democrat, describes Jared and Ivanka’s move to the seaside town, “It was, ‘Oh, good, the town is getting recognition.’ Then it was, ‘Oh, no, the psychos are coming.'”
The report writes “the last thing Salzhauer wants is to become an enabler of the couple’s reinvention act in South Florida, which makes the whole situation rather frustrating.”
The town commissioner ultimately questioned, “What are they doing in our town?”
The Washingtonian wraps up their report of Jared and Ivanka’s less than warm welcome to their new FL home with a story about the couple and their children attending the Surfside Halloween Spooktacular event. Even town commissioner Salzhauer said she was overall pretty impressed with how the high-profile family managed to blend in to the small town holiday event.
“As the Kushners were leaving the event, Ivanka bent down to pick a large pumpkin off the ground and started to walk off with it. Families were allowed to take one gourd home with them. Ivanka handed hers to Jared, who carried it the rest of the way. Their bodyguard, who followed Ivanka, also walked out with one,” the report describes. “The double-pumpkin takeaway may not have fallen strictly within the rules, but what’s a pumpkin or two in the scheme of things? This was Ivanka and Jared attending not some White House event or private-school recital or exclusive soiree in the Hamptons. It was just small-town life in South Florida, where they could easily slip out with their pumpkins and disappear into the night.”
Out of all that, why am I really not surprised that they stole an extra pumpkin?
You can read the full report from the Washingtonian here.
Featured image via Political Tribune gallery